Okay, so here we are! Please, try to stay in a group, we don't want
you accidentally getting grilled by Speaker or eaten by the
"Monster" aka David Fury.

Welcome all to the SSCC (Sawyer's Southern Comfort Club)!
As we approach it from the beach I'll tell you its long and troubling
history.

Halfrek, a weak and weary traveler, built it upon her arrival to the Island.
She wanted to have a place to call her own. This place would serve as a shelter
and a place from which she could acquire food and drink.
Others soon arrived and also used it as their own.

One day, a sound was heard coming from the jungle and the dreaded
Mumacat monster appeared. The horrible creature trampled the club,
leaving Hallie's dream in pieces that mixed in
and drifted away with the sand. Speaker, along with others
took it upon themselves to rebuild it...bigger...BETTER!

And they did.

See it in all its glory! The first thing you will notice is the
Naked Sawyer drive through sign, complete with the strategically placed
two-way-speaker for ordering. Second, we will pass through the outside Tiki Lounge.
This is where all of the guy posters bartend naked, walk up the stairs to the
PB & J Porch(Pregnant Broad and Junkie Ship), and wave to the Charlie/Claire shippers on the swing.

We are then greeted by the animated neon Sawyer Sign telling us,
"Boy Howdy you'll have a good ol' time!"
We then deftly maneuver through the camel-proof sideways revolving door.
This action shoots us into and through the main room, landing us in the "orange slice room".
The room was so named because of the hideous orange slice wallpaper, which is lick able.
Once in this room we fall to the floor.

Follow me as we return to the main room. Please notice that we are adjacent
a tombstone hanging on the wall. The tombstone says "speaker did it"
Next to it is a statue of speaker with him dressed as Caesar (don't ask).
Next to the statue is the jukebox.

The door to the restrooms is just beyond the jukebox. Just beyond
the door is the Lord of the Rings battle mural. Give it a good look as
it moves like the pictures in Harry Potter. Zia painted
this masterpiece with some help from Tracker and a few others.

The long bar is over here. Drinks cost a kiss to Sawyer or Kate.

There is a new wing, thanks to Hattori Hanzo. Just to your left
is the Kool-Aid pool and the hot tub. The pool was a gift from Ophelia.

The Skater deck is upstairs for the Sawyer/Kate types. The Jater
Sectional type couch is in the corner for the Jack/Katers. Apparently
the couch has the best view of the plasma screen. Every seat has its own television
and there is a sunroof thanks to Kaidy.

If you look closely through the sun roof you will see a GIANT tree.
If you look closer you will see people crawling all through it. That is the
Lurker tree, where people go to spy on us, but remain hidden.
Don't look directly at them because you might scare them, or worse,
they may throw peanuts at you.

We did have a closet, but Dia dismantled it.

In the corner, near the old closet, there is a rustic refreshment table
which usually contains a supply of three kinds of pipe weed, Dwarf malt beer,
ale and mead. This is kept stocked by Kathleen.

There is cold storage, good music, great drinks and good company.
Just about anything you could want!
So hang out at the beach, the caves, or in the air-conditioned SSCC,
it is your choice.

Just watch out for that grill!

The grill? Ye wanna know about . . . THE grill?

Okay, I'll tell ye abouts the grill, but beware . . . if you stick around fer the end o' the tale, ye might just be scared . . .TO DEATH!

Now, gather round the fire, here.

*AHEM*

Long ago, in a bar far, far away. Okay, not so far away. Right over there actually.

And not so long ago really, it was back in November of 2004....

BUT ANYWAY! Not so long ago in a place right over there, a group’a n00bs arrived. n00bs like yerselves, newbies, new people who have never been to the SSCC or the Fuselage.

They huddled together, afraid o’the regulars and their seemingly cliquish ways.

LostSerenity, a rock goddess, tried to lure them in with sweet talk. "Welcome to all the newbies! Pull up a chair, grab a drink, and stay awhile! We don't bite!" she said.

But it was too late! Speaker, the local cannibal, had already grabbed one o’the n00bs' arms. Doesn't matter which, they all look alike ta he. He was about to take a huge bite when LostSerenity finished her sentence. He was caught an a bit embarrassed and tried ta cover. "We don't?" He asked her, with a dumbfounded look in he eye!

Deathisyourart cheered him on though, she wanted ta make sure that the food supply never ran out.

And . . . well, Speaker were feeling a bit peckish, if only there were something to cook them with!

So, the Speaker went on a trek to find a meat sizzling device, and he finally found one. Sawyer had a one in his stash, but he weren't givin’ it up without compensation. So Speaker took one fer the team and gave Sawyer a big ol’ passionate slobbery kiss on his smacker, in exchange for the grill.

Later that week, a new groop’a n00bs came a lookin' for some shelter. Speaker picked out his prey, and pounced, grilling a n00b and making n00b-burgers for everyone.

And that n00b? Her name were Holly, and she hasn't been seen from, or heard from . . . SINCE!

From that day forward, Speaker, he grills tha n00bs, and if ye survive, you gain more respect than you could earn in a lifetime. But chances are, ye won't survive, but at least ye’ll be put ta good use, FEEDIN' THE REGULARS AND VIPs BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

tb = Threaded Board

SO = Shout out. A method of saying hello to posters on the board in one post. Sometimes the writers will put something in the script/dialogue that is a SO to the fans of the show. For example: Recently on Alias, there was a party going on and in the background music you could plainly hear the song, "You All Everybody". For fans of LOST that also watch Alias, this was a fun SO to us.

ETA = edited to add. Occasionally you may make a post and realize afterwards that you misspelled, omitted or otherwise messed up your post. You add this to the edited post to let the others know that what you changed. This is a courteous thing.

cc = carbon copy. This is added to the end of a post that goes out to several posters. that way you don't have to type the same reply to each poster.,

SFNAE = Spoiler Font for Newly Aired Episodes

Here is an excerpt from his post on the Linear Board:

my proposed new term for "manhug" is...

"MANDANGO!